


Thank the Mailman

by Dangit



Category: One Piece
Genre: Bad Flirting, Dildos, M/M, prompt, wrong delivery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-03
Updated: 2015-08-03
Packaged: 2018-04-12 17:06:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4487772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dangit/pseuds/Dangit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tumblr Prompt<br/>Postal Deliver sends Person A's package to Person B's home.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Thank the Mailman

Zoro doesn’t like waking up early in the mornings. He doesn’t like waking up in the afternoons or evenings, either. Actually, if it were up to him, he would stay sleeping for the whole day.

But he’s a grown man that needs a job to feed himself, so he wakes up before the crack of dawn every morning to get ready for work.

The only good thing about mornings is that his kitchen window sits directly in front of his hot neighbor’s living room window so Zoro can usually see the blond man walking around in a pair of sinfully tight black boxer briefs.

Zoro doesn’t know much about the blond even though they have been living next to each other for about seven months now. Zoro used to have an old couple living next to him until the couple’s kids moved them into a Home and sold their place. The house went through a couple of renovations before the blond moved in.

Zoro doesn’t know his name. He said hi to him when he first moved in and every once in a while they’ll nod at each other in hello but, in all this time, he can count in one hand the numbers of times they’ve talked to each other.

Zoro thinks the blond must be a businessman; or a model. He’s always dressed in expensive suits that make his long legs look even longer and wrap around his body like candy wrapper around a particularly delicious piece of chocolate. And that is saying something, considering Zoro doesn’t like sweets.

He knows the blond is single because he’s never seen anyone else go in or out of his house but the blond. It’s…actually kind of sad, really. Zoro is anti-social, too, but he at least gets a visit from Luffy or Nami every once in a while.

He also knows that the blond has the most beautiful blue eyes he’s ever seen and that both of his eyebrows curl the same way.

Zoro knows that he has the biggest, most pubescent crush on the blond man—but he doesn’t know his name.

Still, it doesn’t hurt to look, especially since today is Friday and that means the blond will settle in his living room for his weekly hour of yoga.

Oh yeah, he also knows that the blond is fucking flexible as hell.

Zoro looks across his window and roams his eyes appreciatively over the twisted figure of the man cross the short yard. He sips his coffee and ignores the stirrings of warmth settling in his lower stomach as the blond moves from bending over to a standing split.

Zoro could easily push him against the wall and fuck him like that, with his legs split open in the air.

He sighs and finishes his coffee, turning away from the fucking amazing sight. He needs to get ready for work before his problem gets any harder—ha, get it? _Hard_ ; Zoro is fucking hilarious—and he’s late for work.

He gets changed in record time and is out of the home even before the mailman gets there, which is saying something because Brook is always fucking early as hell.

Just like everything else in his life, Zoro’s job is not something he either particularly hates or enjoys. It’s a job, and that’s it. It’s not like being a personal trainer was his dream job or anything.

Still, it lets him work out without paying twenty dollars for a gym membership and that’s all that matters.

When he gets home in the afternoon, he’s surprised to see the blond’s blue mustang still in his garage. That’s weird…he usually doesn’t get home until after dark. The guy works all day; it’s probably not healthy.

Maybe he was given the day off or something. Well, whatever. Zoro has a cold beer waiting for him in the fridge.

A brown box sits innocently on his doorstep. Zoro stares at it, trying to figure out what the hell it could be before he remembers that he ordered a new cleaning kit for his swords. He picks it up, in a much better mood now that he knows he can relax a little while he gives Wado Ichimonji a good polishing.

He sets the box on his kitchen island and grabs his beer before he gets a knife from the drawer and carefully opens the box.

And then he proceeds to spit out his beer in surprise.

What the fuck?

Zoro stares at the black dildo sitting innocently inside the box in its black case. It’s a pretty normal looking thing, it’s not even one of those dildos that are made to look like a real dick. No, it’s just a phallic, plastic thing that is maybe about five inches long and two inches thick. It’s not even the size of a real dick.

It’s this a joke? Did one of his idiot friends send him this in a sudden bout of stupidity? He bets it was Ace, that motherfucker is the only one with the guts to actually try doing something like this. Well, there’s Nami, but this isn’t her style. And Luffy, but again, he doubts his bouncy friend has this kind of humor.

He picks up the dildo. It’s light, uncomfortable to the grip. Whoever bought this clearly doesn’t know anything about dildos. Huh, so maybe it wasn’t Ace. Ace would have probably sent him some massive ten-inch vibrator with flashing lights or something.

A knock on his door distracts him from his phallic problem and curious about who it might be, he opens the door.

A blue eye looks at him and the breath gets punched out of him. Fuck, they’re even more gorgeous up close. He’s too busy totally checking out his hot neighbor to pay attention to the blond’s gaze—at least, until it falls on the black dildo still in his hand and the man blushes scarlet.

“I’m so sorry!” the man says quickly before Zoro can figure out some excuse that won’t make him look like a pervert.

“Huh?” is Zoro’s brilliant response.

“I think the mailman must have made a mistake,” the blond says just as quickly and it’s at that moment that Zoro notices the cleaning kit in the blond’s hands.

The cleaning kit Zoro ordered two weeks ago.

Oh. _Oh_.

“This is yours?”

Shit, how red can this blond get? And how far does it spread? Fuck, now all Zoro can think about is the blond on his bed, ass spread open around the black dildo, his slender hands shoving the thing deeper inside as Zoro watches. Fuck.

“It’s not like…I mean, I don’t…can I just get it back?” the blond says, voice small. He’s not looking at Zoro anymore, which is a real damn shame. It means Zoro can’t look into his eyes.

But…well, he _did_ buy a dildo. Straight guys don’t buy dildos—well, at least not in Zoro’s experience. Besides, what can he lose? Worst case scenario, the blond never talks to him again. But that’s already going on right now so…

“You know, this thing is pretty small,” Zoro says, tossing the dildo in the air before catching it again. The blond follows it with wide eyes. “You won’t even feel it.”

“S-shut up,” he says hotly. “That’s not—.”

“Is it like a training dick?” Zoro interrupts, smirking when the blond averts his gaze. Bingo. “Is this the first dick you’ll have in your ass? Man, you won’t have any fun with this.”

“Like you know any better,” the blond snaps, glaring at Zoro. “Besides, what I do in the privacy of my own home is not any of your fucking business, marimo.”

Zoro ignores the slight at his hair—he’ll come back to it later—and grins at the blond. “Well, I’ve helped a couple of guys with their itch. They don’t seem to mind my size.”

And okay, maybe it’s months of pining or maybe it’s just the dildo in his hand, but Zoro does something he never in a million years saw himself ever doing:

He grabs the blond’s hand and brings it down to his own crotch, pressing the slender fingers to feel around him.

The blond gasps, his voice sending sparks of electricity down Zoro’s spine, and his eyes darken considerably.

Oh, that is fucking it.

Zoro drops the dildo and brings the blond closer, stealing his lips in a desperate and hot kiss that quickly brings him up to full mast. The blond tastes like cigarettes and coffee and when Zoro bites on his lower lip, the slender fingers still on his cock squeezes down.

“This is like the start to a bad porno,” the blond murmurs when Zoro finally lets him up for breath.

“Or a really good one,” Zoro says and drags the blond inside his home.

Two hours later, with the blond sleeping peacefully in his arms, Zoro knows a lot more about the man.

He knows he’s a fucking amazing kisser. He knows the blond can touch his shoulders with his knees. He knows that even though his voice is a low baritone, it can go pretty high when Zoro thrusts in particularly deep. He knows the blond has no gag reflex.

He knows the blond has the day off tomorrow and he likes the coffee shop near the park.

He knows his name is Sanji Black.

And he also knows that Brook is perhaps the bravest out of all of his friends.

He definitely needs to thank the man.

 


End file.
